Turn and face the strain...

Hello,

I'm so sorry (I know I wasn't going to say that, but I really am) for the sporadic nature of my musings this fall ... there's been so much going on that I haven't really known where to begin chronicling it. I've been inspired at inconvenient times and thought through what I wanted to write, and by the time I was in front of my laptop, more things had happened and my original thoughts were rendered obsolete - incongruous - uninspiring and blah blah blah insert one from my arsenal of excuses here ...

'Tis the season to be scatterbrained.

So, 2008 ... oy vey. So much change, so many endings and beginnings, it's been mind-boggling, but I must say, I think I've come out stronger and smarter for it all.

I have accomplished a lot this year, much of it intangible. I have made some mistakes, large and small, and I have learned from them. It's said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. I'm not sure that's insanity ... I have a whole lot of everything to say on that topic ... but I get the message. And that is what separates the people with whom I connect ... truly, deeply, connect in a wavelength - kindred spirit - fleeting-or-permanent soulmate kind of way ... from those with whom I don't.

I've severed ties (sans premeditation) with two people who had been vital parts of my life for several years. And as painful and disappointing as the processes have been -- you all know how infrequently I sever ties -- they've also been necessary acts of self-preservation. When the scales tip in favor of the toxicity of a relationship, and stay there, it is time to move on. And for someone like me (whatever the hell that means) there likely needs to be an explosion to precipitate an ending ... lest there be an implosion further down the line.

I have learned so much this year about myself and the world and the people in my life. And I forgive myself my errors in judgment and messy actions and reactions. If I had to choose one all-encompassing goal for the duration of my days, it would be to move into the great unknown (another topic about which I could spew for hours) with no regrets and a hugely expanded mind.

I'm feeling really good these days, but the Christmas thing hasn't hit me yet. That said, I rarely say no to a festive cocktail or passed hors d'oeuvre.

More to come. Welcome back.