I am on a journey of healing - If you're compelled to stop reading right now, then please do so. If not ... as I hurtle toward my 40s I find myself embracing the fact that things happen for me, that I shed old skins, at a rate much slower than it might be for others my age, but how else could it happen? This is essentially me.
I saw a Shaman yesterday at the suggestion of my dear friend Tracey, who shares, in part, my vapors, and who, too, is on a journey of self-discovery of sorts. This experience felt nothing short of miraculous and I've not yet fully realized its effects, as it can take between 3 days and several weeks for the work to be fully integrated into one's being. So much to say on this but only if you want to hear about it; if not, suffice it to say that this experience has changed me and will continue to do so.
I made the heartbreaking decision (I was told it was a decision, not destiny) to separate from N. - from four years of a beautiful, mostly calm, and very sweet relationship the cornerstone of which is love. I came to realize, with great pain, that love in and of itself may not be enough. I love N but I've painfully realized over time that I've been denying myself some necessary me-ness. And I'm not very good at making me-oriented decisions. But there is a catalyst for this change - not a cause, but a catalyst, and I've no choice but to be optimistic and I am. Please wish me strength and clarity and love. And right back at you.
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