2009

Oh my goodness it's been a long time. So long I feel like I'm starting anew. The muse was on an extended vacation following a busy holiday season of parties and stress. That was my running excuse for a while; when I learned that Mercury was in retrograde, a new alibi was born.

That said, 'twill be a wee bit longer, this time for a much more valid reason: I am busy with work! Woo-hoo! Yay, me!

I will be back, I promise.

Woof

You can dress your dog up in all the holiday finery he'll allow, but you can't force him to feel the holiday spirit until he's good and ready.

Turn and face the strain...

Hello,

I'm so sorry (I know I wasn't going to say that, but I really am) for the sporadic nature of my musings this fall ... there's been so much going on that I haven't really known where to begin chronicling it. I've been inspired at inconvenient times and thought through what I wanted to write, and by the time I was in front of my laptop, more things had happened and my original thoughts were rendered obsolete - incongruous - uninspiring and blah blah blah insert one from my arsenal of excuses here ...

'Tis the season to be scatterbrained.

So, 2008 ... oy vey. So much change, so many endings and beginnings, it's been mind-boggling, but I must say, I think I've come out stronger and smarter for it all.

I have accomplished a lot this year, much of it intangible. I have made some mistakes, large and small, and I have learned from them. It's said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. I'm not sure that's insanity ... I have a whole lot of everything to say on that topic ... but I get the message. And that is what separates the people with whom I connect ... truly, deeply, connect in a wavelength - kindred spirit - fleeting-or-permanent soulmate kind of way ... from those with whom I don't.

I've severed ties (sans premeditation) with two people who had been vital parts of my life for several years. And as painful and disappointing as the processes have been -- you all know how infrequently I sever ties -- they've also been necessary acts of self-preservation. When the scales tip in favor of the toxicity of a relationship, and stay there, it is time to move on. And for someone like me (whatever the hell that means) there likely needs to be an explosion to precipitate an ending ... lest there be an implosion further down the line.

I have learned so much this year about myself and the world and the people in my life. And I forgive myself my errors in judgment and messy actions and reactions. If I had to choose one all-encompassing goal for the duration of my days, it would be to move into the great unknown (another topic about which I could spew for hours) with no regrets and a hugely expanded mind.

I'm feeling really good these days, but the Christmas thing hasn't hit me yet. That said, I rarely say no to a festive cocktail or passed hors d'oeuvre.

More to come. Welcome back.

Blue

A friend told me to go out and look at the moon tonight, because for about 45 minutes it shared an unusual alignment with Jupiter and Venus, I believe it was. This was good advice and took me out of the melancholy I've wallowed in all day.

This weekend I spent time with someone I've known for quite a while, someone who will always be a link to my younger days. To some of the most significant moments of my life thus far. This is a person I care about deeply, and who represents, in a way, other courses my life might have taken.

I don't mean to imply that I wish I were elsewhere -- my life is rich and wonderful -- but at times I'm reminded of how vast and infinite our possibilities are. As I described it to a friend, I feel as though I stopped by a world I once lived in, and it's jumbled my mind and my heart.

I'll always hold a torch for days gone by, but I truly do love my life right now, and the choices that have led me to this point are among the best I've made.

I just went into the kitchen, where Neil is preparing a tagine of lamb and root vegetables and something with mint, and told him how I'm feeling. And he said, "This is a melancholy time of year." And this is part of what is so right in my life -- my sweet little family.

Whenever I hear the song "Kooks" by David Bowie, I feel as though it's Neil and me singing to Louie:


We bought a lot of things to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint wont dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people when they pick on you
cause if you stay with us youre gonna be pretty kookie too

Soon you'll grow, so take a chance
With a couple of kooks
Hung up on romancing

Writing this has been cathartic.

In good hands . . .

Speaking with a dear friend yesterday (as opposed to one of my many deer friends), I inquired whether her son, who is 7, is aware of the elections. She said that he is; in fact, when Obama was declared the winner, she woke him to tell him the news and they high-fived -- that's how he rolls. She then said to him, "You know, it's because you wore your pin to school that he won!" at which point this generally savvy fellow hesitated, then asked, "It is?!"

For the first time in a long, long time, I think many of us echo this sentiment ... wait -- we actually can help shape the world around us? The older and more confident I become in my ideology, the more I realize that this is true. And even better? We're raising subsequent generations to intrinsically hold this belief -- to assume that they can make a difference.

This is not about bipartisanship. I don't think President-elect Obama will only ultimately better the lives of Democrats. I truly, deeply believe that he will better the lives of most Americans and many non-Americans, and I expect that in time he'll have made substantial strides in blurring the categories that define us by dividing us.

Brightness follows every squall . . .

*exhale*

A new era begins.

I am deeply encouraged and dare-I-say happy about this! I truly believe that Barack Obama has the desire, determination and ability to steer our country toward well-deserved better times. He has a long, difficult path ahead of him, but I've no doubt that he's the right person to embark upon it.

Thank you, God, and thank you, people.

I've clearly been steeling myself for disappointment more than have my more confident friends ... we had a few people over for a viewing party last night, and have three as-yet-untouched bottles of Champagne in the fridge.

Really, what choice have we but optimism?

p.s. I have now heard from some of my friends who did not vote for Obama, and they have all expressed that they, too, are proud of this major milestone in American history -- how could you not be? -- and plan to throw their support behind the President-elect and celebrate when he takes office in January. That warms my heart and gives me even more hope. No more divisiveness.

Election Eve

Like most of you, I'm too anxious about tomorrow's outcome to think straight (which doesn't explain the crooked thinking the rest of the time). I've made calls for MoveOn, I've donated small amounts of money, I've discussed issues with those who wished to discuss them and listened to alternate points of view. I have to resign myself to the fact that, if tomorrow does not go the way I and so many people I know want it to, it's NOT because I didn't do enough.

Ugh. This is a stressful one.

In lieu of belaboring points that have been belabored and then belabored some more since this campaign began, I am going to switch gears and promote a friend's beautiful work, proceeds from which go to another cause I strongly support.

Gary is a longtime friend, from those hazy, just-out-of-college days. He is also an excellent jeweler (and musician) and a former resident of New Orleans; in fact, he pretty much introduced me to the city, which I'd known little about, and when I first visited almost a decade ago, he armed me with a list of places to go and things to do. He and his lovely wife, Elyse, are animal-lovers and have over the years given homes to a menagerie of pets they've rescued from New Orleans (pre- and post-Katrina) and elsewhere. I can't drive down Tchoupitoulas Street without thinking of dear, departed Funky Tchoupitoulas, who, along with Zigaboo, were the first of their dogs whom I'd met.

And so, as we're gearing up for the holiday season, I want to turn your attention to a project Gary's recently embarked (woof) upon: with the Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, he has created these gorgeous Fleur de Lis pendants, half the proceeds of which will benefit the LA/SPCA.

This year I've decided that my holiday gift-giving will contain an element of altruism ... money's tight for so many of us this year, and while I've long lamented how materialistic the holidays have become, I've also developed a steady habit of procrastinating my gift-buying, getting frazzled and caught up in the melee, and spending far too much money on gifts that don't mean as much as something like this would.

Okay -- now back to MSNBC and stress ...