I really do wish I'd written more in the past couple of weeks but the truth is, I'm exhausted. Exhausted because of my poor sleep (and other) patterns. Exhausted because I have close, close friends who mean the world to me who are going through times far more difficult than they deserve, and who I insist on being available for. Because I love them. Because in my darkest hours, knowing I had people I could talk to and count on was what sustained me most. That and sleep, which we've already addressed. Exhausted because I've just battled my way out of a friendship that reached the toxicity level I addressed in ... 2008? This is a person who, in my opinion, blames the world for his current -- and vast -- problems, and who takes advantage of the kindnesses extended to him. In our recent flurry of emails -- his ranting, my responding and pointing out, but that's probably a biased read on the situation -- he told me that when I lent him money (which I'll never see again) at least I was "helping out someone who truly deserved it" and that I have no idea what the world is really like because I've "had it made". To which I pointed out that he knows nothing about my childhood -- not even where, city-wise, I grew up -- nor does he know anything about the dynamic in my family. Which is good, now, but hasn't always been. At all. And which furthers my point -- his presumptuousness is part of what makes him see the world as owing him something. I should just stop responding to his messages. I know I should. But on principle, I can't let false information that he spews at me go un-addressed. This has always been a problem for me.
Yep, I've got it made.
In any event, I'm going to try to sleep another hour -- today is an office day -- and, failing that, will shower and drink too much coffee and go to work feeling sluggish and slightly depressed from lack of sleep.
Non-sequitor:
When I was little, I thought the song, "Torn Between Two Lovers" was "Torn Between Two Leopards". I realize the cat above is a panther or puma, but I didn't see any leopards on that particular trip.
I need to talk about the positive things -- post more photos from Tulum, describe the amazing celebration we had for my mom, but ... I'm exhausted and not feeling particularly "up" these days. This too shall pass.
Thanks for listening.
