Blue

A friend told me to go out and look at the moon tonight, because for about 45 minutes it shared an unusual alignment with Jupiter and Venus, I believe it was. This was good advice and took me out of the melancholy I've wallowed in all day.

This weekend I spent time with someone I've known for quite a while, someone who will always be a link to my younger days. To some of the most significant moments of my life thus far. This is a person I care about deeply, and who represents, in a way, other courses my life might have taken.

I don't mean to imply that I wish I were elsewhere -- my life is rich and wonderful -- but at times I'm reminded of how vast and infinite our possibilities are. As I described it to a friend, I feel as though I stopped by a world I once lived in, and it's jumbled my mind and my heart.

I'll always hold a torch for days gone by, but I truly do love my life right now, and the choices that have led me to this point are among the best I've made.

I just went into the kitchen, where Neil is preparing a tagine of lamb and root vegetables and something with mint, and told him how I'm feeling. And he said, "This is a melancholy time of year." And this is part of what is so right in my life -- my sweet little family.

Whenever I hear the song "Kooks" by David Bowie, I feel as though it's Neil and me singing to Louie:


We bought a lot of things to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint wont dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people when they pick on you
cause if you stay with us youre gonna be pretty kookie too

Soon you'll grow, so take a chance
With a couple of kooks
Hung up on romancing

Writing this has been cathartic.